When He Leaves

(Just click on the graphic above to listen)

This song was written at a time of loss.

There are some that believe that this was

written about a man who leaves a woman.

More than one person asked me....

"Gee Barb, if you are a gay woman,

how could you have written about a man leaving you?

(yes, I have had people actually say that!)

The "true" meaning of the song, was not a man leaving a woman.

"When He Leaves" was about a dog going to his resting place.

I remember vividly the day my Dad walked out of our house

with our dog under his arm, and the little feller looking back at me.

THAT is how this song came to be.

In Memory Of Bill

(click on the image above to listen)

Here is another earlier tune I wrote. I can't remember my exact age, it must have been 13-14 years old. I still hold the original draft on small yellow note paper. I revised the original lyric when I was around 23 years old.

The song is about my Cousin Bill, whom I've never met. Bill passed away from cancer when he was 23 years old.

My Mom and Cousin Vicki often talked of Bill, and how they played and sang together.

I also heard how Bill was in the Merchant Marine at Fort Schuyler. Although he didn't graduate with his class because he was ill from the chemotherapy, Bill did manage to Graduate.

Cousin Bill got to sail out to sea for 1 year piloting ships.

These were the things I heard.

This is all I knew.

I hope you enjoy my homage to the cousin I admire and never knew.

The Song and Story Of "Heaven"

Before you click the graphic to listen to my song "HEAVEN" I wanted to give you some background on how the song came to be.


This song had 2 "firsts" for me. This was the first song I EVER got a melody, and harmonies with. The second "First" is that this is the first song I ever performed from stem to stern ALONE....From the instrumental to vocal, to engineering to mixing. (laying of the tracks)


The actual song was written when I was 13 years old.
I was a teenager who by this point knew "she" was in "her" soul a "he".
The pain was incredible.
At the time I had a HUGE crush on actress Loni Anderson.

I prayed for God to take me. I didn't want this. The pain was like a sword deep inside my soul, and to me, dying was the best way to stop the pain. I knew I could never "kill myself" and I was relying on God to take me. ( something I would continue to do as a teenager.)

In my dreams it was Loni and I . We had a special place in "HEAVEN". My dreams were "our time". The setting was ALWAYS "Heaven" for it was Only there that we could truly be together.